Myths about dying at home
It is not possible to provide the dying person with such quality expert care as in a hospital; something can be easily overlooked.
In an absolute majority of cases the most important thing for the dying person is that they are surrounded by the loving care of their near ones and that they are not among strangers in a foreign environment. Experts who provide highly professional palliative care at home are ready to assist the family when it must decide about possible hospitalization – if it is really necessary. There are of course such cases, but statistically they are few.
The dying person does not eat and practically does not drink. If they stay at home, they will probably die of thirst.
A person’s body afflicted with a sickness does not stop functioning at once, but individual physical functions gradually stop working. In such a case the patient needs a lot less than before: the body cannot process the supply of nutrients. It is necessary creatively to offer only that which the patient still has strength to process and mainly what they like and want to eat. We can give drink more often and in smaller doses and if the patient is not able to swallow we can at least moisten the lips and the mouth. The hospice team assists and helps where a person is not certain what to do.
Pain can be dealt with only with opiates. However, those are addictive and befuddle and confuse the patient.
It is true that palliative care works with opiates when it is necessary to relieve pain. However, opiates prescribed professionally for pain do not destroy the patient’s personality but just the opposite. They help them not be exhausted by the pain and allow them to communicate with their family and live even in the last stage of life as fully as possible. If the pain goes away it is possible to reduce the dosage or stop using them completely without fear of withdrawal symptoms.
Caring for the dying person is exhausting for the family and does not bring it any happiness.
It is true that caring for the dying person is very demanding and requires a lot of strength from family members and relations. However, often these requirements are that which awakens in us the deeply humane longing for helping a close person. If we are able to help and we do the best we can it will bring us joy and gratitude and it will help us with the difficult period of sadness which comes after death. We know that we did what we could.
We do not want our near ones to see us miserable, we do not want to be fed and wrapped up as small children by them.
When we have enough strength to be independent we look down on these basic things with distaste. However, when we are losing our strength, when only very little strength remains, we are grateful for help from those to whom we do not have to explain anything, before whom we do not have to hide anything and who aid us with love. And for them this situation is also very important.
We are not certain if somebody has to be at home with the sick person all the time.
In the early phases of the sickness non-stop presence is not necessary. But when life is nearing its end it is important that the dying person is not alone and that the family manages together with the hospice personnel, volunteers and friends to ensure a permanent presence with the patient. Particularly the final nights can be quite hard and long and the hospice employees and volunteers are prepared to help the family in this period and enable those taking care to sleep or go outside for a while to gain some strength.
In the last days before death a person does not perceive anything and so it does not matter who cares for them.
It is true, that in the last few days of life only little strength remains, but without doubt the person perceives several basic things to the last moment: that he is home, that the person is with them and is taking care of them, and that he understands them without words. There is no strength left for words, but almost always the dying person until the last moment feels our presence and hears our words.
The dying person does not speak, it is not possible to make contact with them and there is nothing to tell them.
Precisely because the dying person does not have strength to express themselves it is necessary to ease communication for them by saying the most important things ourselves which should not stay unsaid: they are few and it is possible to repeat them often in various ways. Thank you. Forgive me, please. I forgive you. I love you.
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