Immediately after death
A moment of silence
We should not be active right away. Let us feel the quiet and the uniqueness of such a situation. Some would maybe like to pray, for instance the Lord’s Prayer or a psalm such as the 23rd psalm or some texts in the gospel of John. We should pray from the heart. We should thank God for our meeting with this person and for the freedom of the beloved person, for them being rid of their suffering. We should forgive or ask for forgiveness. We should let our feelings come and manifest themselves.
We should reserve some time. If we are not used to praying, we can spend time doing that which we consider appropriate. We can light candles, open the window, turn on some quiet music, read quietly or aloud from a book, make tea for all those present and sit, remember, give thanks.
Last acts
If you do not feel comfortable being alone with the dead body, do not hesitate to call someone and ask them for help – a friend or somebody who has already met dying and death. Do not hesitate even in the middle of the night; it is completely understandable. It may be useful to arrange such assistance beforehand. Then contact the doctor so that they can complete a Deceased’s Examination Certificate. If the near one dies during the night it is not a problem to wait untill the next day, there are no deadlines to limit us and force us to hurry. When we have said our farewells it is best to call directly the general practitioner of the deceased person who will come to attest the death. Only then do we call the funeral service.
Caring for the body
Some people are afraid to move the dead body. It is not necessary to fear anything since we cannot harm the dead person. During the first hour, before rigor mortis sets in, it is easier to arrange the dead body. We should take care and be respectful when moving it. The following can be recommended:
- After death lay the deceased person on their back in a horizontal position without a pillow (or with just a small one).
- Carefully close the eyelids (or place damp cotton on the eyelids for about one hour so that they remain closed).
- If the mouth has fallen in, carefully place the person’s teeth back into the mouth. If this seems too invasive you do not have to do it.
- To keep the lips together you can roll up a small towel and place it for some time under the chin. It is also possible to tie a bandage or scarf around the head, knotting it on the back.
It we feel like it we can wash the body of the dear one and say our last farewells in that manner. We must be aware that, more than thorough hygiene, we are performing a ritual and do the washing slowly and gently. Sometimes spontaneous defecation occurs and so it is suitable after cleaning to place a clean linen cloth under the person’s clothes.
It is not necessary to dress the deceased for the funeral but we can do so if we wish.
We should choose such clothing that the person liked to wear and which fits them, or such that they themselves would have liked wearing. If during the illness the person lost a lot of weight and all their clothes are too large for them, we should not hesitate to tuck them in.
Saying goodbye
Let us tidy up the room, remove the medicine and nursing aids. Light the candles. We may also place fresh flowers on the deceased body. Their both winnowing and fallen blooms are a symbol of the passing nature of the observed manifestations of life.
Allow ourselves time to say goodbye. We should sit by the bed and try to calm down on the inside. When we look at the deceased’s face we can see all the tension disappear from it and only calmness remains. If we wish, we can talk to the deceased and accompany them with our thoughts on their, for us invisible, journey. Let us remember our meetings. Let us be with the departed body.
It is no problem to leave the deceased person for 24 hours in the flat so that we, or friends, have time to say goodbyes. For friends who live far away and cannot come to say goodbye personally, it is much more difficult to understand that the loved one has died. In this case it helps if you take a picture of the dead person. It brings calm and assurance that they really have died.
Contact the funeral service. We can choose and call it ourselves, and it is possible to do this also some time before death. It is a good idea to familiarize oneself with the offer and quality of services. If our near one died in a hospital and was taken away by a different funeral service than the one we wish, we have the right to order the funeral from where we wish. The choice depends only on us.
The mourning
When the organizational activities around the funeral are over, there will come the time of great loneliness, solitude, tiredness and mourning. During this time it is a good idea to ask for help from people who have had a similar experience. We should not be afraid to ask experts and find suitable literature. In some places there are also mourner support groups where a person can reflect their mourning more easily than with their close friends which they do not wish to burden with their pain.
See also
