How to be close
Uncertainty
We who are close – relatives and friends – have also questions: How long should we continue to carry this burden? How much longer can I stand it? Or the other hand: When will the loved one finally be free of their suffering? Am I heartless if I wish death to come?
Even these thoughts that may scare us are completely understandable and normal. It is important for us caregivers to take care of ourselves, to find time for our friends, to draw new strength for further care and accompaniment.
Troubles
Thinking too far into the future and troubling ourselves about how long we can take this burdens us more than if we just lived in the present. We have strength now and the present is easier to handle than an uncertain future. Thoughts about future are more likely to drain our strength.
When we accompany someone who is dying we ourselves often reach the borders of our own strength. Alhough we usually discover that we have more strength than we thought, it is still difficult for us. We are touched by many various uncertainties: practical questions concerning our own nursing care, organization and accommodation, the uncertainty if and how the situation will continue, the fear of not having sufficient strength and then finally the fear of the moment of death.
In addition, the dying process will also invoke in us many feelings of sadness, fear, doubt, anger and helplessness. We often alone and tired. We live in a totally different world.
Support
Precisely because of all this we, the accompanying relatives, need effective help and support. We feel that we must hold on. We are immensely important for and indispensable to the dying person. We have every right to ask for help.
Help can be of various kinds: on occasion purely practical help with shopping or cooking, another time we are glad if someone else stays with the dying person for a while so that we have time to get back on our feet. Sometimes we urgently need to speak to another person to whom we can confess our worries and fears. Often talking to someone who is in a similar situation or with someone who has been through it helps.
Do not think that we have to manage everything alone. Often we can be more useful to the dying person only after we have taken care of ourselves, when we are relaxed, rested and full of new strength. So let us not be afraid to ask others for help. Ask friends or neighbors in such a way that they can freely and with a clear conscience answer yes or no. If we make others see that we need them, they are usually glad to help.
See also
